Coaching boys into inmates

by Carol Wick, CEO
Harbor House of Central Florida

By now, many of you have probably read Mike Bianchi’s column that was in the Sentinel yesterday. That same article was noted by Jeff Schultz, a columnist from the Atlanta Journal Constitution yesterday. But what I find very interesting to the work we do here in Central Florida is not what the reporters wrote but the comments that follow the articles.

ALL of the reporters I know state that they never read the comments and I can understand why. I do. What is really fascinating in this case is the difference between the comments from readers in Atlanta, GA and those in Central Florida. It really helps shine a spotlight on why we have such a high instance of DV here, even more than in Atlanta.

The comments from Orlando are mainly filled with hate, victim blaming, and talk about how women are really the batterers and men are victims. In contrast, the AJC comments are almost wholly supportive of condemning the behavior and the arguments really focus on what they would want if it was their daughter and why coaches are pressured to make decisions to keep players. Many had gone to the Sentinel, listened to the 911 call, learned more about what happened and countered those who had the facts wrong. For the most part, it was a good discourse on why many athletes are allowed to get away with poor and even criminal behavior.

For my part, it left me wanting to answer some of the more outrageous claims that I hear repeated after every DV story, whether it is this one or even a homicide. Here are my responses to the top four issues raised by Central Florida readers.

1. “But he has never been in trouble with the police before”
Most batterers are not brought to the attention of the police until something very serious happens. The man who killed his wife at Publix had never been arrested, neither at several other alleged murderers this past year.

2. “Harbor House won’t even help a man if he is a victim. What about all the men who get victimized by women?”
Harbor House does provide services to men. In fact last year nearly 10% of the adult clients we served were men. We house them in emergency shelter and two are currently living in our community based housing program. 90% of adult victims are female so it is not an excuse for men who batter.

3. “Women commit most domestic violence or at least it’s 50/50”.
Most domestic violence is committed by men. Women are frequently arrested for causing wounds that were purely defensive in nature. This is one reason we don’t want a 100% conviction rate, too many victims get caught in the system. If you only look at arrests, it can be confusing. You only have to look at the homicides by gender comparison to understand that this is predominately an issue that injures and kills women.

4. “All Chris Rainey did was send a text message – he’s a kid – it was nothing big”
Chris Rainey was arrested for Felony Stalking which is a precursor to many homicides. His arrest involved much more than just a simple text message as you can hear in the 911 call below, including a comment to police to the effect of “just wait to see what happens when you leave.” Andrew Allred, the convicted murderer of Tiffany Barwick and Michael Ruschak sent all his threats via text and social networking pages. It is not something that can be ignored.

Listen to the 911 call here.

As Mike and I both pointed out. This is not an issue about one particular coach or one team; this is a societal issue that is all too clearly being played out right here in our own community.


Carol Wick, LMFT
CEO

PO Box 680748
Orlando FL 32868

Ph: 407-886-2244 EXT 227 / Fax: 407-886-0006
cwick@harborhousefl.com


To learn more about the Coaching Boys Into Men program violence prevention program, click here. Male volunteers are needed to serve as mentors.

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Finally, let's not forget this recent high school incident where another coach minimized the behavior of his players:

Mom says Dr. Phillips teammates beat son

Orlando Sentinel, The (FL) - Thursday, September 9, 2010
Author: Susan Jacobson, Orlando Sentinel

Rena Denson was aghast when her 15-year-old son, Darrion, told her that his teammates on the Dr. Phillips High School football team had beaten him up.

Denson drove onto the practice field Tuesday, complained to the principal and called Orlando police, a report shows.

Darrion was treated at Arnold Palmer Hospital for Children for a concussion, bruises and scrapes, his mother said. He was punched and choked, had chairs thrown at him, was tossed into a trash can and his wallet containing $30 was taken, she said. The reason, according to a police report: Darrion -- a freshman -- had entered the varsity locker room.

A senior who he told his mother was among the attackers weighs 260 pounds and stands 6-foot-4, Denson said. Her son weighs 167 pounds and is 5-foot-11.

According to Denson, Coach Dale Salapa told her the boys got "out of hand" and "carried away." He also said it's customary for freshmen to enter the locker room through the back door only, she said.

"Well, Coach Salapa, this is not slavery," an incensed Denson told the Orlando Sentinel Wednesday. "No longer [should] I as an African-American or my son not be granted access through a front door."

Salapa said he is not permitted to discuss the incident. Principal Gene Trochinski did not return messages. A district spokeswoman, Shari Bobinski, said officials are working with the police and discipline, if any, will be meted out after officers finish their investigation.

One of Darrion's brothers, Martin Denson, arrived afterward. He said Darrion's glasses and a chain around his neck were broken during the scuffle. He said his brother was on the honor roll.

"His record is spotless," said Martin, 17.

The family moved to Orlando two years ago from Brooklyn, N.Y., for a fresh start. Now, Denson and her husband plan to send Darrion to a private school.

"Lie to Me"

Stunned and speechless. That's how I felt when Catherine Burke told WESH Reporter Dave McDaniel that victims of domestic violence should keep their abuse a secret. CourtWatch commends WESH for seeking comments from Carol Wick of Harbor House in order to balance the dangerous message that Mrs. Burke expressed. Because it is only when domestic violence is brought to light that abusers and victims can get the help they need to break the cycle of abuse. Far too many victims fail to seek help with law enforcement and the courts because they fear they will not be protected from their abuser. Judge Marlene Alva is, in our opinion, doing a superb job of making Mrs. Burke's safety a priority. But this case highlights the not uncommon situation that prosecutors of domestic violence face daily - that of a recanting victim.

If you've ever watched "Lie to Me" on Fox, you'll be familiar with the practice of deception detection by comparing our microfacial expressions and body language with what we actually say. Susan Constantine is a body language expert here in Central Florida. I asked her to review the Burke interviews.

Regarding Catherine's interview on WESH, Ms. Constantine provided the following assessment:

• Mrs. Burke shows sadness in all regions of the face. The forehead shows distress, her eyebrow angles up in the inner corners, and down on the sides. The mouth's outer corners are slightly turned down in sadness. It is my opinion she is dealing with sadness and anxiety. Anxiety is shown in the shifting of the eyes back and forth from side to side, rapidly. She is vulnerable, lonely, and insecure. What I don't see is anger. She warns women "not to" report domestic violence because the system is prohibiting her from having contact with her husband. She does not show anger with the system or the judge. If she were angry, her voice, and facial expressions would have been presented "as anger" (horizontal tight lips and eyelids would have narrowed with lower lid tightened). Therefore, her words and body language were incongruent. She is a target for repeat violence because she does not see what Shannon did as domestic violence.  [emphasis mine]  The battered wife syndrome causes one to soften the blow with soft words and voice to ward off the intruder (being the press) and, at the same time, she is manipulating the public opinion with her soft tone to protect her husband.
  
• She says she was not abused, then leans forward with an affirmative while nodding her head yes. This is an emblem. An emblem is a body movement gesture that has a universal meaning in the US. When she says she was not abused, she nods her head yes when it should have shook no. She was not confident that she convinced the reporter because she leans in to convince the reporter with an affirmative indicating she was not fearful.
  
• She stated "IF (meaning she was) I was abused, and I was not, but IF (meaning she was) I was" (at this time the corners of mouth went down in sadness). She does not believe her own story.

Here's FOX's version of Catherine's interview.

Regarding Shannon's FOX35 interview with Amy Kaufeldt:

• His 3 corner leg stance is one of confidence. His left arm is stretched over the sofa in the direction of the reporter (this is a non-verbal hug of wanting approval). His body language betrays him with his right hand. He leaves his right hand placed near his groin, and is not visibly out front in an open body posture. The right hand is hidden as if he got his hand caught in the cookie jar (a "hiding something back" gesture).
  
• Shannon shoulder shrugs often. This is an emblem too. If he shrugged at the same time as saying "I don't know" this would have been believable although, he shrugs when his words are not consistent with his words "deceptive." He has a lot of anxiety.
  
• The most telling is when he was asked if he was dangerous. He answers a question with a question. "Have you ever known me to be dangerous?" This is a rhetorical devise of "deception." He should have said "no."  He does not take ownership for his actions [emphasis mine] and uses another rhetorical device called "petty fogging" when he says this. One side corner of his mouth goes unilateral.  This is "contempt" (moral superiority and duping delight gesture - this happens when he thinks he has pulled one over on you). The facial gesture appears and then he used a "petty fogging" rhetorical device again by diverting the audience away from the issues at hand to present himself in a positive light when shifting to telling the audience he fixed a clock at the park with his child.
  
• In my opinion, the judge made a good decision to keep them separated until they go through more counseling.

Susan, I second that opinion.