Still Looking Over My Shoulder

In 1999 I obtained a lifetime Injunction for Protection Against Domestic Violence against someone I nearly married. After having watched hundreds of injunction hearings, I am aware of how unusual this is (most injunctions are granted for 12 months). I am very fortunate that Judge Jeffords Miller recognized the potential lethality of my situation and did not designate an expiration date.

In the months immediately following the issuance of the injunction, I was called by an acquaintance of the Respondent (whom I'd never met) who told me he had admitted to her that he had driven past my house and poured paint thinner on a car that my neighbor was storing in my carport. I also had a suspicious flat tire, but no real evidence against him. He married someone else in 2000 (they divorced in 2004) and left me alone.

In April, 2006 I bought a security camera to monitor my front door because someone left items anonymously on my doorstep on two separate occasions that were a bit odd (a side benefit of having the camera was knowing if my teenager was observing her curfew!). After a while, I didn't always activate the camera, but while we were on vacation in July 2008, I did. And I caught the Respondent standing at my front door - violating the injunction that had been issued nearly 9 years earlier.

If someone threatens to kill my child and commit suicide, I take that threat very seriously. Even 9 years after it was made. Sarah (pictured here just 2 months before she was murdered by her father) is the reason why. All the old fears of being stalked resurfaced. I began looking over my shoulder again, gathering intel on the Respondent, and decided to fight back by filing a complaint that he had violated the injunction (a very confusing process that can involve both the criminal and domestic relations courts).

A warrant was issued for his arrest and since he has no fixed address, the waiting game began. Until last week when I received a call from the State Attorney's Office that he had been picked up in Lake County last month. Once again, the anxiety returned. The thought of having to go court and be in the same building with him has the potential to be paralyzing - even though I am more familiar than most victims are with the process. I am torn between wanting to stand up and tell him to his face to leave me and my family alone vs. letting the State Attorney handle it for me.

Since 1986, five women (including me) have had injunctions against this man. He's been arrested for stalking two of them (both cases were dropped). So I'm torn between a desire to make sure the judge understands my concerns and sending a message to the Respondent that I will not be intimidated vs. wanting to avoid being anywhere near him.

A pretrial conference is scheduled for tomorrow. It wouldn't surprise me at all if he fails to appear. I'll let you know what happens.